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Emor | The Widow and the Divorcee

In memory of Charna bat Szore and Morthe z"l.
21.09.2014
Text file

 

     Our parasha this week begins by listing instructions intended to maintain a high level of holiness among the kohanim, Israel's priestly class.  Among the restrictions placed on this chosen family are limitations on whom they may wed.  "They shall not marry a woman defiled by harlotry, nor shall they marry one divorced from her husband.  For they are holy to their God"  (Leviticus 21:7).  This rule applies to all kohanim (a common priest is called a Kohen Hedyot), whereas the High Priest's (Kohen Gadol) marriage options are slightly more narrow: "He (the High Priest) may marry only a woman who is a virgin.  A widow, a divorced woman, or one who is degraded by harlotry - such he may not marry.  Only a virgin of his own kin may he take to wife - that he may not profane his offspring among his kin, for I the Lord have sanctified him" (verses 13-15). 

     The Torah has introduced four classes of women, three of whom are generally forbidden and a fourth who is off limits to the Kohen Gadol alone.  Women who are forbidden to all priests are: (1) a divorced woman, (2) a ZONA and (3) a CHALALA. Several different types of women are labeled ZONA in Jewish law: a woman who is not Jewish; a woman who has slept with a man whom she is forbidden to marry (her brother for example); a woman who has slept with a CHALAL. If a kohen sleeps with a woman whom he cannot marry, a divorcee for example, a son born of that union is called a CHALAL and does not have the legal status of a priest but of an Israelite.  A daughter born of that union is called a CHALALA and may in turn not marry a kohen. In addition, as mentioned, a Kohen Gadol may not marry (4) a widow.  (For a thorough discussion of these categories and their applications to the kohen, see Rambam Hilkhot Issurei Bi'a chapters 17-19.) 

     This essay will attempt to understand the bans on widows and divorcees but I recognize that I am about to raise ideas which some readers may find troubling or even offensive.  As such, I will try to deal with the issues as sensitively as I can, with the recognition as well that sometimes effort is required to reconcile the Torah's absolute morality with our own sensitivities. 

     The widow and the divorcee are sometimes linked in Jewish law.  For instance, when a ketuba is drawn up for either woman (for a second marriage), the amount to be paid in case of divorce or widowhood is set at 100 dinar, half the amount payable to a virgin.  It seems that because a virgin is more desirable to a man than a woman who has been married before, she can demand a higher ketuba.  Yet, as we have seen, despite the fact that both women have been married before, the Torah treats them differently when it comes to kohanim.  Why can a divorcee not marry a kohen but a widow can?  And if a widow is good enough for a kohen, why is she not good enough for a Kohen Gadol? 

     When dealing with questions like this we must always first accept the possibility that we may not discover the Torah's motives. Quite clearly the Torah's laws in this matter mean to preserve the holiness of the kohen who is employed in the service of the Lord. A woman who may not marry a priest bears some sort of taint that will somehow affect the purity of her man; and for some reason the taint of a divorcee is greater than that of the widow.  Is this treatment towards the woman fair? Suppose the divorcee is a perfectly fine woman whose divorce ended an unsuitable, or worse - an abusive marriage, why should she be caused further suffering by a law that limits her opportunities for future happiness? 

     We must recognize that fairness is not a factor in the laws we are discussing. Consider the CHALALA - she may not marry a kohen though she herself may have never been with a man - her disqualification is based on the behavior of her parents. No, any question of fairness seems to miss the point that the Torah is not addressing the woman's perspective here at all. Our verses are not worried about providing second chances for widows and divorcees but about establishing a code of holiness for its priests. 

     Despite the Torah's lack of explanation, let us make some suggestions regarding the attitudes towards these two women.  There seems to be a stigma attached to a divorcee that does not apply to a widow.  Here is the Torah's statement about divorce proceedings: "A man takes a wife and possesses her.  She fails to please him because he finds something obnoxious about her, and he writes her a bill of divorcement, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house" (Deuteronomy 24:1). 

     This passage clearly blames the marriage's failure on the woman - she is undesirable, she is rejected and she is sent away.  It is this taint which bars her from marrying a priest, not the fact that she has slept with a man. Contrast, for example, a single woman who has slept with a man whom she could theoretically marry. This woman, though not a virgin, may marry a kohen. But as for our case, perhaps the Torah recognizes that people look down on a divorced woman in a way that they don't a widow.  Men may not want to date women who were in a failed marriage fearing that there's something wrong with the woman's ability to sustain a marriage, holding out for a single woman instead. Women may hold the same perception about divorced men, but Judaism does not have priestesses to contend with. 

     At this point we might accuse the Torah of sustaining a societal prejudice against divorced women. Why doesn't the law rise above beliefs that prejudge people, and encourage its adherents to see that just because one relationship failed doesn't mean that a woman is incapable or undeserving of happiness?  Is every divorce the woman's fault?  Indeed, the halakha grants a wife the power to demand a divorce on the grounds of abuse by her husband.  The Shulkhan Arukh Even haEzer states that a court can force a man to divorce his wife should he refuse to provide for her basic needs (chapter 154 paragraph 3).  Rema (Rav Moshe Isserlish 16th century) adds that a Beit Din can take such action should the husband repeatedly get angry at his wife or beat her. 

     Nevertheless, although a wife may initiate the divorce, the Torah states unequivocally that she does not divorce her husband - it is he who divorces her. This law is of course troublesome to some people, but whatever its reason, it seems to be at the heart of our issue.  Even if the problem in the marriage is the husband's abusive behavior, it is he who sends the wife to freedom.  Perhaps it is merely that image of the woman packing up and leaving her husband's house which keeps her from marrying a kohen.  Even the possibility that she was to blame is enough of a stain to bar her from the priestly class. 

     Before we proceed to our next idea, we might mention another situation where the Torah identifies levels of desirability in women.  In Deuteronomy 22 the Torah addresses this case: "If a man comes upon a virgin who is not engaged and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are discovered, the man who lay with her shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife.  Because he has violated her, he can never have the right to divorce her" (verses 28-29).  Now, this law may be unsettling to us (according to halakha the woman can refuse the match), but the Torah may be addressing the tragic reality of a rape victim who may have difficulty getting married after the attack. Thus the rapist must provide a future for his victim. Is it fair to the woman that now men see her as less desirable?  No, it's cruel and insensitive.  Perhaps we cannot understand why the Torah chooses to recognize and accept human nature in some cases, while demanding that we overcome our impulses in others. 

     For our next suggestion, let us examine the Torah's overall attitude towards the widow.  The Torah repeatedly expresses sympathy for the widowed woman, usually linking her to orphans or the poor who are also considered unfortunates. Early in the Torah's list of commandments this warning appears in Exodus 22: "You shall not ill-treat any widow or orphan.  If you do mistreat them, I will heed their outcry as soon as they cry out to Me, and My anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword, and your own wives shall become widows and your children orphans" (verses 21-23). We might argue that really, neither a widow nor a divorcee should be allowed to marry a kohen, but as part of the Torah's campaign of sympathy for the widow, she is granted special dispensation. 

     Why is the Torah overly protective of the widow?  Well, it seems that, like the orphan, the poor and the stranger, she is on her own and needs God to take care of her.  As Rabbi Yose posits: "Why does God love orphans and widows?  It is because they have nobody to turn to except Him as it says 'A Father of orphans and a Judge of widows is God in His holy dwelling' (Psalms 68:6)  Therefore, he who steals from them is considered to have stolen from God because He is their Father in heaven and He will get angry" (Shemot Rabba 30:5).  But isn't the divorcee sent out of her husband's house also in need of financial support? Why doesn't the Torah demand sympathy for this underdog?  Might the Torah feel that in general a widow is an elderly woman whose husband has died of old age leaving her with little resources to continue whereas a divorcee might be much younger with greater chances to remarry? Or does the Torah believe that a woman who has left an unhappy marriage is better off emotionally than a woman whose family has been visited by death and thus the divorcee needs less communal support?  If that were so, we should find the SHAKAL - one who has lost a child, or the widower, on the list of people requiring emotional care. 

     For whatever the reason, the Torah warns readers against taking advantage of the widow but not the divorcee. God's compassion for the widow might extend to allowing her to marry kohanim. The flaw in this argument is that there are other women who have had previous relations with men who are also permitted to the kohen - such as the single woman sleeping with a man fit to marry - whose inclusion cannot similarly be explained in terms of sympathy. 

     The most obvious distinction between a widow and a divorcee is that the divorcee's former husband is still alive. A widow who remarries is completely untied to any other man and although she might pine for her first husband, a remarried divorcee can actually contemplate returning to her man.  Perhaps the existence of this possibility taints the relationship between the kohen and his wife.  A Talmudic adage claims that "When a divorced man marries a divorced woman, there are four minds in the bed" (Pesachim 112a). Presumably this means that divorced people often think about their former spouses. 

     We find a similar situation in a law regarding a man and two sisters. Leviticus 18:18 cautions "Do not marry a woman as a rival to her sister and uncover her nakedness in the other's lifetime."  As long as one's wife is alive, a man may not marry her sister - even if he is divorced from his first wife - for this will cause grief to both women. While the original wife is still alive the man's thoughts of her will have a negative affect on his new relationship.  The Torah of course does not rule out all marriages to divorced women, but perhaps the fear of longing for another man will taint a divorcee's marriage to a kohen in a way that affects his holiness. 

     When it comes to the Kohen Gadol who cannot even marry a widow, the Sefer HaChinuch expands our theory in creating a "pure" relationship. In explaining Mitzva #272 - A Kohen Gadol is Commanded to Marry a Virgin - Rabbi Aharon HaLevi (13th century) writes. 

"The root of this commandment relates to the idea that it is fundamental for all people to have pure and clean thoughts, since the actions of the body follow the thoughts of the mind. Therefore, it makes sense for the highest servant to [marry] a woman who has never formed any thoughts for a man except for him, since he is the holy of holies. From their union will emerge a child pure and clean and fit for holy service. And lest you ask 'who is to say that a virgin has not had any thoughts for another man besides him, or cast her eyes on another?' the answer is that as long as she has not turned her thoughts to actions she is not disqualified, but once she has been with a man she is." 

It seems that for the High Priest even a dead husband's memory may constitute a distraction for the wife, somehow affecting her husband's duties. 

     Lastly, having a former husband still alive might create problems for the kohen from a different perspective.  We are generally very concerned with establishing the lineage of a kohen.  Besides determining whom he can marry and that he must serve in the Temple system, the title kohen imposes a range of lifestyle guidelines on a man - a kohen may eat teruma, may not become "defiled" by a corpse (save certain close relatives), must recite the Priestly Benediction, is taught to diagnose leprosy and to oversee the ritual cleansing of one who is thus afflicted, and so on. Israelites may not perform any of the priestly functions or enjoy any of the benefits. And so, it is obvious that proving purity of descent from Aharon, the first kohen is critical to allowing anybody to act as a kohen. Indeed, if a doubt arises about whether an individual is a kohen or not, all the restrictions on a kohen's life are applied to him, but he may not perform any of the kohen's duties (see Rambam Hilkhot Issurei Bi'a 20:17). 

     Perhaps we can employ this need to positively identify kohanim to our question about a kohen's wives.  If a kohen's wife's first husband is still alive, there exists the possibility (however slim) that she might return to him at some point, creating doubt as to her child's paternity.  To avoid problems such as this, the halakha mandates that a woman who is divorced or widowed wait at least 90 days before remarrying (Hilkhot Geirushin 11:18).  If, of course, the kohen's wife's first husband is no longer alive, waiting the requisite 90 days will insure paternity. 

     The first mishna in Massekhet Makkot discusses a case of two witnesses falsely accusing a kohen's mother of being a divorcee (making the kohen a CHALAL and barring him from service) - in other words they accuse the kohen's father of marrying a divorcee. While this particular case does not bring into question the kohen's lineage, it shows that the Talmud is concerned about villains causing trouble for blameless kohanim. Were the Torah to allow kohanim to marry divorcees, it might provide opportunity for those same rogues to challenge the paternity of the kohanim's sons, arguing that the father is the first husband who is still lurking around. 

     I imagine it might be difficult for those who believe that all people should be afforded equal opportunities and rights, to accept some of the theories I have included in this essay.  I have used words such as "taint" and "stigma," and risked offending readers who feel that a divorcee's life might be hard enough without hearing that her past will "affect her husband's duties."  I apologize to anyone who found my approach insensitive. 

     And perhaps my very attempt to understand the Torah's laws in these matters was misplaced - for I have tried to explain a spiritual issue using social interpretations. While we may claim to understand the dynamics of marriage, divorce, and loss on a personal and emotional level, is it possible to grasp the implications of these states on the varying levels of sanctity that make up the hierarchy of the priesthood? After all, in what way exactly is a kohen holier than an Israelite, and how is a Kohen Gadol's superiority manifested?  And if we cannot answer these questions, how can we possibly understand in what ways the spirituality of the women we have been discussing alters these men and the performance of their assigned tasks? Nevertheless, I hope that some of the ideas I have raised are a start towards exploring the Torah's treatment of the kohen's wives.

 

 

 

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