Maavir al Middotav
Bein Adam Le-chavero: Ethics of Interpersonal Conduct
By Rav Binyamin Zimmerman
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Dedicated in memory of
Joseph Y. Nadler, z”l, Yosef ben Yechezkel Tzvi
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Shiur #12: Maavir al Middotav
When on the Defensive
In last week's lesson, we
dealt with the ramifications of the severity of halbanat panim
(embarrassing others) and the steps that must be taken to ensure that one
doesn't humiliate another Jew. The
simple understanding of the Talmudic ruling is that one must be willing to give
up one's life in order to prevent another's embarrassment. While this understanding is generally
not viewed as authoritative, it is clear that one must go to great lengths so as
not to cause unnecessary pain to others.
In truth, the
responsibility to hold one's temptation to embarrass others back is very
understandable and certainly laudatory.
However, that is not always the case.
Sometimes, the urge to embarrass another arises in the midst of fighting. After being called names or verbally
attacked, must one really be silent?
This scenario is
discussed by the Chinnukh (Mitzva 338) in his discussion of the
prohibition of onaat devarim, verbal abuse:
However,
as it would seem, this does not mean that if one Jew comes along and wickedly
begins to inflict pain on his fellow with evil words, the listener should not
answer him, for it is impossible for a person to be as a stone that has no one
to turn it over. Moreover, with his silence, he would seem to be
confirming these calumnies.
In truth,
the Torah does not order a person to be a stone, silent toward his slanderers
as if they were blessing him. It rather commands us to move far away from
this behavior, that we should not start to quarrel with and defame people. In
this way, a person will be saved from all that: for whoever is not a quarrelsome
person, people will not defame him – unless they be utter fools, and no
attention need be paid to fools.
The
Chinnukh does indicate, however, that if compelled to respond, one should do so
in a dignified manner, without anger.
He then goes on to explain the precedent for this behavior.
Now,
should some slanderer among the people compel us to reply to his words, it would
be best for a wise man to answer him in a way of dignity and pleasantness and
not become very angry, "for anger rests in the bosom of fools" (Kohelet
7:9). Let him excuse himself to those who hear the slanders about him, and
let him throw the burden upon his defamer. This is the way of good people in
society.
We can
learn this point, that we are permitted to answer a fool, as it were, from the
fact that the Torah permits us, when someone comes stealthily breaking in, to
act preemptively and kill him. For there can be no doubt that one is not
obligated to endure injuries from the hand of his fellow; rather, he has the
right to save himself from the other's hand. The same applies to the other’s
words, filled with cunning and deceit: [one may save himself] by every means
through which he may rescue himself.
HaRav Yehuda Amital explains (Jewish Values in a
Changing World, p. 201): “In any event, the words of the Sefer Ha-chinukh
point to the Torah's recognition of humanity, and to the fact that it does
not demand of a person to relate with equanimity to those who insult him.”
The Chinnukh concludes with a startling
remark, strikingly different from his earlier tone:
Nevertheless, there is a certain group of people whose kindly piety is of such a
high degree that they would not wish to accept this ruling for themselves and to
say a word in response to their defamers, for fear that anger might overcome
them and they would unburden themselves unduly in this situation. Of them the
Sages of blessed memory said (Shabbat 88b): "They may be humiliated, but
they do not humiliate; they may hear their disgrace, but they do not reply… Of them, Scripture says (Shofetim
5:31): ‘But they that love Him are like the sun rising in its might.’”
Rav Amital (ibid.) makes an important
point:
It should, however, be
noted that it was never said even about the pious that they should not feel
anger. Rather, that because of their heightened trait of watchfulness, lest they
be overcome by anger, they do not respond to those who insult them.
Let us turn to the
Chinnukh's source for this description, Shabbat 88b:
They may be humiliated, but they do not
humiliate; they may hear their disgrace, but they do not reply; they act out of
love and rejoice amidst suffering. Of them, Scripture says (Shofetim
5:31): “But they that love Him are like the sun rising in its might.”
The commentators (ad
loc.) ask: what is the comparison of those who are silent in the face of
insult to the sun? The Tosafot
Ha-Rosh explains that this is an aggadic reference to the sun’s silence when the
moon complained to God at Creation (Chullin 60b), “Can two kings use the
same crown?”
Similarly Rav Yoshiya ben
Yosef (Rif) Pinto writes in his commentary on the Ein Yaakov:
Praiseworthy are those
who remain silent when insulted, as are those who do not hit back when
humiliated by a friend's rebuke for some misdemeanor. Their silence is not due to fear of
the other, but to their love of God, Whose creatures they do not wish to humble. Moreover, he happily accepts the
humiliation in atonement for his sins; to such people does the verse apply:
"“But they that love Him are like the sun rising in its might."
Their silence is the silence of greatness, of
might (gevura), expressing the inner strength of one who loves God and
does not want to exacerbate the situation.
This idea is also
expressed by the Ritva, who bases this on a textual analogy, namely the two
times that the word “Va-yiddom” appears in all of Scripture,
Vayikra 10:3 (referring to Aharon) and Yehoshua 10:13 (referring to
the sun).
The verse uses the word "Va-yiddom"
to refer to the sun, which reminds us of the same term used in connection with
Aharon, who was silent when faced with the tragic death of his two older sons.
The power of the sun lies in its role as the
silent messenger of God, which rises without any musical interlude or any
fanfare but lights up the world. So
too, the individual who follows the personal example of Aharon expresses the
power of staying silent in the face of pain and attack, recognizing the
gevura of one who feels no need to announce his or her greatness but
enlightens the world.
Maavir al Middotav
This brings us to the
concept of one who is “maavir al middotav,” forgoing of his or her
rights, forbearing, restrained and longsuffering.
According to numerous sources, embracing this attribute has tremendous
powers to balance one's spiritual ledger.
The Talmud (Rosh
Hashana 17a) states:
Rava said: “Anyone who is
maavir al middotav, they forgo his sins, as it says, “forgiver of
iniquity and forgoer of transgression’ (Mikha 7:18).
For whom is He a forgiver of iniquity?
For one who is a forgoer of
transgression.”
The Talmud is clear that one’s being maavir
al middotav is extremely potent, but it is a little unclear exactly what is
subsumed under this category. The
continuation of the passage may provide a clue.
The Talmud continues with
a story:
Rav Huna the son of Rav
Yehoshua was once ill. Rav Pappa went to inquire about him. He saw that he was
very ill and told those present, “Make ready provisions for his journey.”
Eventually, however, he recovered, and
Rav Pappa felt ashamed to see him. He said to him, “What did you see [in your
illness]?” He replied, “It was indeed as you thought, but the Holy One, Blessed
be He, said to them, ‘Because he is maavir al middotav, do not be severe
with him…’”
Rashi elucidates:
One who does not mete out
judgment to those who mistreat him but rather overcomes his normal behavior… so
too, the Heavenly attribute of strict judgment passes over him.
The Talmud (Yoma 23a) seems to apply
this trait in a second context as well, referring to one who doesn't take
revenge when entitled to but holds off until the other individual sincerely
attempts to achieve forgiveness.
Rashi's explanation is an
outgrowth of this outlook of not demanding all that one is entitled to when
dealing with others who have done one wrong.
Still, what is the power
of being maavir al middotav? Of all of Rav Huna's great qualities, it is
this that saves him from death, and it is this quality that allows one clemency
for all of one's sins. But why?
Midda Keneged Midda
The most basic
understanding dovetails with the use of the term “midda,” which we
recognize well from the concept of midda keneged midda, measure for
measure, tit for tat.
The Talmud (Sanhedrin
90a) addresses this when dealing with the severe punishment for one who denies
that the resurrection of the dead is a biblical concept: disinheritance from the
World to Come.
Why to this extent? It has been taught: “Since
he denied the resurrection of the dead, therefore he shall not share in that
resurrection, for all the attributes of God are midda keneged midda.”
God acts with man in a way that reflects the
way in which man acts with others. Thus, in Tehillim 121:5, we read, “God
is your shadow on your right hand.”
Therefore, the degree in which we are exacting with others God will be exacting
with us.
The Maharal (Chiddushei
Aggadot, Sanhedrin 90a) explains why midda keneged midda is so
essential:
Understanding that all
the actions of God are midda keneged midda essentially tells us that no
bad comes from God, only good. It is
man, based upon his actions, who can bring bad upon himself, by requiring a
similar response. It is akin to the
case of a borrower who merely pays back money he was lent, and it would be
foolish to consider his paying back as if it is an independent action in itself.
This then, explains Rashi, is the basic
understanding of the significance of one’s being maavir al middotav. One
who is willing to forgo others’ responsibilities to him and not to demand all of
his entitlements merits a measure-for-measure treatment by God, who is similarly
willing to forgo misdeeds and not exact full payment for human misbehavior.
Part of the Community
Rav Eliyahu Eliezer
Dessler (Mikhtav Mei-Eliyahu Vol. V, p. 70) provides an additional
explanation for the power of one’s being maavir al middotav to allow God
to pass over one's sins. He explains
that one who is maavir al middotav connects himself or herself to the
community and forgoes his or her own personal drives for the good of the greater
whole. For this reason, one who does
so is not judged by the strict judgment deserved; rather, one is judged as part
of the community and merits a much more meritorious evaluation.
Rav Dessler continues
that for this reason, even under circumstances in which one is permitted to
treat others with a more strict level of justice, the Torah recognizes that it
is preferable to be forbearing and act in a manner which demonstrates
self-control. For this reason, even
when one must act with a level of hatred towards evildoers, one must not reach
levels of extreme hatred (based on Tosafot, Pesachim 113b, s.v.
She-raa). All situations require
a level of self-control; one must care for the greater good of bringing about a
unified community.
Equanimity
The Maharal of Prague (Chidushei
Aggadot I 44) provides a different outlook, vis-Ã -vis the relationship of
the Jewish people to God.
It is said here that the
nations of the world take notice of Israel’s sins and accuse Israel of
prostitution under the wedding canopy.
In response, Israel simply remains silent, and regarding them it is said,
"They may be humiliated, but they do not humiliate..." The humiliated people who receive the
brunt of an action but do not act against others demonstrate that they have
reached the level of complete equanimity.
However, one who humiliates or responds to humiliation acts with
brazenness that removes him from the distinguished state of equanimity, even if
he acts only in response to the humiliation and abuse to which he was subjected. We have already explored this concept
many times: material and physical things clash with equanimity. That which is in equilibrium and
balance is simple and distinguished; that which is not abandons simplicity. Therefore, "They may be humiliated,
but they do not humiliate," choosing not to act with the brazenness that can
remove them from equanimity. As long
as a person can withstand the pressure of humiliation and disgrace without
responding with audacity, he remains on the level of equanimity and even
acquires a distinguished level of simplicity.
The Maharal states here that the level to
which we aspire is the "level of equanimity," which separates a person from the
material and which allows him to reach the loftiest simplicity. The Maharal
explains that one who is balanced, maintaining composure, is able to be silent
in the wake of insult and expresses his or her focus on the spiritual world.
One who fails to do so is rooted in the
natural physical drives that usually cause one to respond to distress outwardly.
(See Rav Itamar Eldar's “Introduction to the Thought of Rav Nachman of Breslov”
16b, at the VBM, for a beautiful exposition of this teaching of the Maharal.)
Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Akiva and the Power of
One's Prayers
The power of one’s being
maavir al middotav is expressed in a story recorded in the Talmud (Taanit
25b) regarding the prayers of two great men during a severe drought:
Rabbi Eliezer once went
before the Ark and recited twenty-four blessings and was not answered.
Rabbi Akiva went after him and said, “Our
Father, our King, we have no king other than You!
Our Father, our King, for Your sake have compassion for us!”
Immediately, it started raining. The
rabbis started speaking negatively [about Rabbi Eliezer]. A Heavenly voice
emerged and declared, “It is not because this one is greater than that one, but
because this one is maavir al middotav and this one is not
maavir al middotav.”
The Talmud thus attributes Rabbi Akiva's
success to his being maavir al middotav.
Yet, if this is such an important trait, why does Rabbi Eliezer not act
this way as well? Secondly, why does
the Heavenly voice say that Rabbi Akiva is not greater than Rabbi Eliezer —
doesn’t this very trait of forbearance provide sufficient reason to consider him
greater?
Rav Yisrael Salanter (Or
Yisrael #28) explains that these sages’ behavior is the natural outgrowth of
their belonging to two different schools of thought: Rabbi Akiva is a student of
Beit Hillel, while Rabbi Eliezer belongs to Beit Shammai. The various deliberations and
discussions between these two schools regarding sundry halakhic issues are
familiar, but they also differed regarding the proper way of serving God.
The Talmud (Shabbat
31a) describes Shammai as one who was very quick to point out inconsistencies in
behavior, as opposed to Hillel, who was a truly humble individual. Rav Yisrael Salanter explains that
the Talmud is not defining their innate attributes but rather their attitudes
toward proper service of God.
Shammai felt that strict adherence to the honor of the Torah is necessary, and
he therefore was very strict in his trying to uphold and protect the Torah.
Hillel, on the other hand, felt the
proper path is one built on a different attribute, that of humility, being
forbearing to those who have mistreated one.
Each founded an academy dedicated to the way of life he saw as the most
fitting.
In the episode in
Taanit, Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Eliezer each follow the master’s teachings:
Rabbi Akiva is forgiving of insult, maavir al middotav, while Rabbi
Eliezer lives by a code of strict justice.
As this dispute is for the sake of Heaven, both approaches are equally
valid for the service of God, and therefore, the Heavenly voice assures all that
neither can be considered definitively "greater" than the other.
Yet, though both
approaches are equally valid, Rabbi Akiva's prayers are answered and Rabbi
Eliezer's are not, for a different reason.
As mentioned above, God treats all according to the principle of midda
keneged midda, measure for measure.
Rabbi Akiva's behavior, being forbearing towards others, allows God to
accept his prayers in the same way; even though the community may not deserve
it, God can be forbearing and grant rain.
On the other hand, Rabbi Eliezer's strict justice requires that the
community be fully deserving of rain, which, in this case, they are not.
This fascinating
explanation of the passage concludes with one caveat provided by Rav Yisrael
Salanter. At the time of Shammai and
Hillel, there was a legitimate difference of opinion as to whether it was
preferable to be strict or forbearing.
Yet, the Talmud (Shabbat 31a) concludes:
One should always be
humble like Hillel and not be strict like Shammai.
The Talmud testifies that the proper approach
is that of Hillel. If so, acquiring
Rabbi Akiva's trait of being maavir al middotav is mandatory. It is an extension of living a life
of humility, driven by the teaching of forbearance and forgiveness.
Gevura
One might ask: why is
this attribute so great? We must now
return to the verse quoted by the Talmud, Shofetim 5:31: “But they that
love Him are like the sun rising in its might.”
The standard translation
of gevura is might, but Rav Yosef Dov Ha-Levi Soloveitchik points out,
that this is a little too simplistic.
There are two different terms used for a show of strength: one is
koach (power), the other is gevura. Clearly there is a difference between
the two, as the morning blessings contain a separate blessing for each of these
qualities. If so, what is the
distinction?
Koach, we may see, is the power to move forward and conquer, readily
understandable to modern man, who is used to viewing the conqueror as the
victor. However, the Mishna (Avot
4:1) provides a different explanation for gevura:
Who is mighty? One who conquers his desire.
Gevura consists primarily of the capacity to withdraw, to overcome oneself, to
purge or to purify one's existence. Whenever, for a more lofty cause, one can
hold back and stop, conquering one's desire for total victory, one expresses
gevura. Thus, gevura may
more accurately be rendered “heroism”.
Rav Soloveitchik adds
that in fact, this is the defining factor of the Torah's view of heroic action
and the character of the hero. The
strongest does not receive this title; rather, it is the one who is driven by a
calling and has the inner strength to live within self-imposed limits.
An example of the
tremendous inner strength and heroism necessary for one who lives by the calling
of Halakha is expressed in this moving description of Rav Soloveitchik,
regarding the heroism of a bride and groom who withdraw from each other when the
bride sees a speck of menstrual blood:
Bride and bridegroom are
young, physically strong and passionately in love with each other.
Both have patiently waited for this
rendezvous to take place. Just one more
step and their love would have been fulfilled, a vision realized. Suddenly the
bride and groom make a movement of recoil. He,
gallantly, like a chivalrous knight, exhibits paradoxical heroism.
He takes his own defeat. There is no
glamor attached to his withdrawal. The
latter is not a spectacular gesture, since there are no witnesses to admire and
laud him. The heroic act did not take
place in the presence of jubilating crowds; no bards will sing of these two
modest, humble young people. It happened in the sheltered privacy of their home,
in the stillness of the night. The young
man, like Jacob of old, makes an about-face; he retreats at the moment when
fulfillment seems assured. (Catharsis, pp. 45-46)
This Jewish heroism is so significant because
it doesn't only express itself in a moment of victory, but in a lifelong
expression of one's personality.
It is perhaps the central
motif in our existential experience. It pervades the human mind steadily, and
imparts to man a strange feeling of tranquility. The heroic person, according to
our view, does not succumb to frenzy or excitement. Biblical heroism is not
ecstatic but rather contemplative; not loud but hushed; not dramatic or
spectacular but mute. The individual, instead of undertaking heroic action
sporadically, lives constantly as a hero. (ibid. p. 42)
This gevura of “the sun rising in its
might” is the ability to express true heroism, along with the power to remain
calm to insult. It is an expression
of a lifelong pursuit of the composure to answer to a higher calling, and this
represents true heroism. This trait
of forbearance, of one’s being maavir al middotav, is extremely
difficult, and for that reason it is so powerful.
Next week, we hope to continue analyzing this trait and to speak of the
practical ways of attaining it.
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