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Meaning in Mitzvot -
Lesson 20

Simanim 30-31 - Avoiding Negative Speech and Acting for the Sake of Heaven

21.09.2014
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Our relationship to HaShem is founded on overarching values like love and fear, service and worship.  But these larger values are fleshed out in myriad more detailed observances, the means through which we are able to cleave to Godliness.

 

Likewise, our relationship to our fellow human beings is based on a foundation of love, respect, and thoughtfulness, but these values need to be sustained by particular commandments.

 

The prohibitions on negative speech, spitefulness and small-minded behavior, create harmony among us on so many different levels.

 

DETENTE

 

The need for these restrictions begins on the simple, practical level.  They prevent minor conflicts from escalating into major ones.

 

The prohibition against idle gossip - "rekhilut" - prevents the annoying but seemingly harmless busybody from causing real damage to relationships by spreading information which is just better left private.  How often innocent incidents, when strung together or placed in an inappropriate context, can create ill-will among people!  While permitting friendly discourse, the Torah obliges us to err on the side of discretion.

 

The prohibition against "leshon ha-ra" - derogatory speech - prevents the petty disagreements and rancor which are so common from escalating into full-fledged feuds.  Following a relatively trivial slight a person can feel the need to "warn" everyone about the offending party, or perhaps even more innocently the need to unburden him or herself due to wounded feelings.  We are well aware that once the whole neighborhood knows about a disagreement it becomes infinitely more difficult to become reconciled.  People who were potential friends are now alienated; people who would have overcome mutual unpleasantness to at least work together are now full-fledged enemies.  It is not unusual for matters to escalate further, leading to taking sides and to strained relationships among an entire circle of acquaintances.

 

The Torah puts a stabilizing restraint on our behavior, forbidding derogatory speech even if it is true, unless for a most specific and reasonable benefit.

 

It is inevitable that there will be misunderstandings in neighborly relations, where justifiable caution is interpreted as selfish or unfriendly conduct, but the prohibition against recrimination prevents these misunderstandings from igniting into cessation of neighborliness.

 

At this level, these prohibitions work on much the same level as ordinary mannerly relations, preventing minor conflicts from exploding into major ones.

 

ENTENTE

 

At a somewhat more positive level, these restrictions do not merely prevent negative feelings from causing harm,  but actually promote positive feelings.  A common theme in the explanation of meaning in mitzvot is that elaborated by the Sefer HaChinukh: a person's character is molded by his acts.  By being careful to act in a friendly and discreet manner despite disagreements, a person will find his sentiments also becoming more positive.

 

We may ask, can't these restrictions be counterproductive? A person who is compulsively restricted to praising someone is likely on the contrary to develop a sense of resentment!  The answer is that indeed, to live out these guidelines in accordance with their goals, wisdom and insight must be employed.

 

This level brings with it an important qualification on the halakhot themselves.  In general, the commandments of the Torah are "decrees of the King."  Even though we may search out their meaning, we don't modify the commandment according to our understanding but rather we adjust and elevate our understanding according to the commandment.  However, the commandments regulating neighborly relations are closely tied to their objective of creating good will, and it is necessary to keep this in mind.  A person may think he is a great and saintly person because he has conducted his interpersonal relations "according to the book," without realizing that human beings are more than books and that these commandments are a supplement to true thoughtfulness, and not a substitute for it.

 

The Torah teaches (Vayikra 19:17): "Don't hate your brother in your heart; reprove your fellow, and don't bear sin against him."  Even though it is wrong to start arguments and create ill will, avoiding confrontation is the worse path if it will lead to festering resentment.  Any confrontation needs to be in a polite and thoughtful demeanor, but the Torah does not ask us to hide our heads in the sand.

 

For instance, in siman 131 se'if 4 we will learn about the necessity of requesting forgiveness from anybody we have sinned against.  Every mitzva is better done directly and not through an agent, but Rav Ganzfried explains that if forgiveness will be more forthcoming through a go-between, this is the preferred way.  Likewise, in order to obtain full-hearted forgiveness it is necessary that the injured party know the nature of the slight, and so the preferred method is to say, I did you such and such an injury - please forgive me.  However, Rav Amital has taught us that if relating the injury will itself create ill will, it is better to explain in a general way that you are seeking forgiveness.  (Of course, it should be clear that the request is genuine and not merely a formality.)

 

We explained in siman 9 (se'if 20) the concept of human dignity as a halakhic imperative, which has the ability in certain circumstances to override other Torah obligations.  It is certainly true that those obligations whose whole object is to maintain dignified relations among the Jewish people should be interpreted in a way which augments their object, and does not diminish it.

 

The many holy books which have been written on these subjects deal with these matters.  For instance, the book "Chafetz Chayim," by the author of the Mishna Berura, expounds at length on the specific prohibitions relating to derogatory speech; the book also clearly delineates the exemptions when there is a necessity to relate a minimal amount of negative information for a constructive purpose.  For instance, a person may think he is being a great tzaddik by concealing derogatory information about a prospective match; but if the result is that the couple make an inappropriate engagement and end up breaking it off, or even worse go on to get married and live in misery, then it is clear that this saintly behavior was quite counterproductive.

 

PUTTING A NEW FACE ON MATTERS

 

We mentioned in the last siman the teaching of the Ba'al Shem Tov that "limud zekhut" - judging our fellow man favorably - has the ability to elevate the act so judged.  Our sages tell us that our own repentance has the ability to turn our transgressions into merits; the Ba'al Shem Tov explains that the favorable judgement of our fellow man can do something similar.

 

This is a very deep concept, and somewhat difficult to understand.  It is related to the fundamental insight that the Jewish people are a very good people - really the embodiment of human good.  Therefore, our favorable judgement must at some level be true - there must be a positive side to the seemingly wicked acts of our fellow Jews.

 

But the concept is much easier to understand as it relates to ordinary human relations.  After all, if I don't take offense at an act, then it is simply not an offensive act!  The entire thrust of all of these halakhot is to be sensitive to the feelings of others; if the parties who are supposedly injured view the act, on the contrary, in a positive light, well that is the light in which the act ought to be judged even on the human level.

 

So maintaining a positive attitude towards others in the face of normal slights and misunderstandings not only helps us to overcome these slights but even enables us to reverse them.

 

 

SIMAN 31 - ACTING FOR THE SAKE OF HEAVEN

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Until siman 29, almost the entire Kitzur Shulchan Arukh dealt with matters of strict halakha.  As we explained there, as the book finishes the laws relating to the morning prayers, it brings us to that time of day when the morning prayers are done and starts discussing how a person needs to act when he is out of the synagogue and involved with others.  At first Rav Ganzfried explains those aspects of mundane dealings which, like halakha, have an obligatory aspect.  Refraining from anger and pride, for instance, is not merely praiseworthy but, in fact, mandatory.  Certainly the inter-personal laws discussed in siman 30 are absolute commandments.

 

In our siman, Rav Ganzfried - citing the Rambam - discusses aspects of life which are completely outside the realm of the obligatory and the forbidden, those things we do which are completely of our own choosing.  He reveals that these aspects of life can also be means to doing God's service.  It's all a question of how we view them.

 

For instance, Rav Ganzfried explains that serving God is not merely a question of WHAT we eat - it is at least as much a question of HOW we eat.  If we eat merely with the intention of satisfying animal desires, then our eating lowers the spiritual into the bestial - reducing the human being created in God's image to a mere animal.  The exact same meal, if eaten with the intention of strengthening the body to serve God can elevate the bestial into the spiritual - harnessing the physical content of the meat to provide the energy to perform commandments, study Torah, and cleave to Godliness.

 

NOT TO ENJOY THIS WORLD

 

The Kitzur mentions that Rebbi (R. Yehuda HaNasi, the redactor of the Mishna) was able on his deathbed to confidently declare that HaShem was aware that he had not enjoyed this world a bit.  Rebbi certainly did not live a life of privation.  His wealth was legendary, so much so that our sages relate that his stable keeper became wealthy merely from the waste products of his livestock.  The gemara suggests that his exalted style of living - he enjoyed summer vegetables all year round - was such a model of noble living that it was hinted at in a verse of the Torah! (1)

 

This example emphasizes that the way of the Torah in general is not the way of deprivation.  HOW we eat is as important as WHAT we eat, and both are more central to a Godly life then HOW MUCH we eat.  If eating a healthy meal can be a devotion when approached with the proper attitude, then there is little need - in normal circumstances - to adopt numerous fasts in order to live in holiness.

 

SPECIAL BOOK REVIEW

 

While we are on this subject, I would like to recommend a remarkable book, ideally suited for the audience of this shiur.  The book is "Jewish Spiritual Practices" by Yitzchak Buxbaum, published by Jason Aronson.  Most of the book is based on works of Chasidut, explaining the way of "devekut" - cleaving to HaShem, which the author translates as "God-consciousness."  What is unique about this book is how accessible he makes this "way," this derekh.  He does not make it accessible by watering it down, but rather by getting his message across in a straightforward way.

 

I was amazed at how much of a difference this book made in my own "spiritual practices."  My concentration in prayers, my intention in performing commandments, and in general my "acting for the sake of heaven" as this siman bids us, were all noticeably improved.  The book is written for beginners, but sadly, so few of us are past the beginner stage in our God-consciousness.

 

Endnote:

(1)  Berakhot 57b.

 

 

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